Reinstalled BF2142 and found that it crashed on start-up. Then I remembered that EA didn't give two-shits about the game after their next BF game came out, and they never patched it to be compatible with any OS besides XP. Le sigh.
I used some Amazon giftcards to buy Bad Company 2, since some friends have that. The server browser literally takes 5 minutes or more before it'll display ANY games.