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Thorgi Duke of Frisbee
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A 66-year-old Nebraska woman has filed a federal lawsuit against all homosexuals for being gay.  She has filed this on behalf of "Plaintiffs God, and His Son, Jesus Christ.

 

Among her allegations are that the homosexuals say that "God doesn't care that their [sic] homosexuals; because He loves them."

 

Obviously it's going to be dismissed.  My guess would be it will be dismissed for lack of standing, with the court saying she doesn't have authority to bring a lawsuit on behalf of God.

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It could also be dismissed on personal jurisdiction grounds because she didn't serve it on anyone. That's a threshold issue even before standing.

Additionally, because she is seeking a declaratory judgment, she must also articulate an additional substantive cause of action under another theory because standalone declaratory judgment actions are not allowed under 28 USC 2201.This prohibition is related to the "actual case or controversy" requirement for standing.

Also, pro se class actions are probably not allowed, even though the pro se doesn't purport to represent the class.

 

Edit: "What exactly would happen if she won this case" is akin to asking "what exactly would happen if a lamed horse won the Indy 500," or "what exactly would happen if the UK populace ends up abolishing the monarchy in tomorrow's election."

Edited by Mr. GOH!
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I hope an ambitious clerk is assigned to write the sua sponte dismissal order and really goes to town on the complaint. But, realistically, it will probably just languish in the docket until a clerk notices no service has been made and no motion for service by publication has been made and thus orders the plaintiff to show cause why it shouldn't be dismissed for lack of prosecution.

 

Side question for Ethan: civil summonses in Wild West states like Nebraska and Kansas still require that personal service be made by a sheriff or other agent of the state, right? You can't just use a licensed process server?

Edited by Mr. GOH!
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At least in Kansas any attorney is authorized to serve process, and you can also have a special process server appointed.  So like here there's a retired sheriff's officer who kind of enjoys it, so any time we need to have more control over service we'll ask the court to appoint him and they always will, but there's no general licensing of process servers.

 

*Edit - All of that is in addition to having the sheriff serve it, which is the standard method.

Edited by TheMightyEthan
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That's so bizarre to me. In New York, you can serve registered companies by going to the secretary of state and you can personally serve individuals if you're a licensed process server, most of whom are *not* ex-cops, though private investigators who are ex-cops also often offer service, uh, services. We have a couple of in-house process servers who are students or artists and just need a side job to pay bills and rent. I can't imagine service by sheriff working in New York, or any populous state, at all.

 

Attorneys can also serve process, but I've only ever done it myself when we've invited a client for a meeting and served them with a an order to show cause for us to be relieved as counsel. 

 

Edit: I hope the judge's order/decision in this crazy lady's case is also reported, because I'd love to see how the court responds.

Edited by Mr. GOH!
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Yeah, we run into trouble with the sheriff's department in Wichita (the closest thing we have to a big city) if we need stuff served there.  We joke that they just drive by and if it doesn't look like anybody's home they return it as unable to serve.

 

We can also serve things by certified mail, although that's really easy to avoid so we tend to only do it for businesses, who typically aren't trying to avoid service.  With businesses there's lots of ways to serve them:  you can serve them through their registered agent for service of process, or if they don't have one then you can serve them through the Secretary of State, or by serving a manager, partner, executive, or general agent, or you can always serve them by "leaving a copy of the summons and petition or other document at any of its business offices with the person having charge thereof" which means you can leave it with the secretary or front desk person at any business location.

 

The only time I've ever served anyone myself was in a custody case: I wanted the other party's new girlfriend to testify, but she lives out of state so I hadn't been able to get her served.  I had the subpoena ready to go, and he happened to bring her to court on his own, so I served her in the hallway outside the courtroom.

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What exactly would happen if she won that case?

 

Nothing. If this went to court, and for some reason the judge skipped over that fact that there was:

 

1. No actual plaintiff.

2. No actual defendant ("the gays" doesn't count).

3. No cause of action (e.g. a broken contract or similar).

4. No damage to the plaintiff who is after all omnipotent.

 

And banged his gavel and said "I find in favour of the plaintiff." nothing would happen, other than the judge losing his/her job. The woman (from my brief skimming of her obtuse handwriting) hasn't actually asked for anything other than for the judge to agree that this sort of thing is Not On™.

 

Now, knock on effects might be more severe, if the decision wasn't quickly overturned, buried, dug up, set on fire and buried again in the hopes that no one ever remembered that time the judiciary lost its mind, as it would establish in law that being the gay is a cause of action all by itself. You could have people arguing that they don't have to repay loans because someone in the bank is the gay and this is a Bad Thing™, but we're so far outside the realms of what is sensible now that it's all kind of pointless. :)

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  • 2 weeks later...

https://twitter.com/diodesign/status/601238746118234112

 

 

With regard to the idea of whether you have a right to health care, you have realize what that implies. It’s not an abstraction. I’m a physician. That means you have a right to come to my house and conscript me. It means you believe in slavery. It means that you’re going to enslave not only me, but the janitor at my hospital, the person who cleans my office, the assistants who work in my office, the nurses.

 

Basically, once you imply a belief in a right to someone’s services — do you have a right to plumbing? Do you have a right to water? Do you have right to food? — you’re basically saying you believe in slavery.
 
I’m a physician in your community and you say you have a right to health care. You have a right to beat down my door with the police, escort me away and force me to take care of you? That’s ultimately what the right to free health care would be.

 

HAahhh... :unsure:

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This is why I get so annoyed when people ejaculate over the occasional principled, strong position that he holds. As is going on right now. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to take those from him, it's just that I get irritated when I start seeing the "stand with Rand" talk begin. I think what bugs me is that I know he's way smarter than that batshit insane quote that you just posted. That's a seriously dishonest line of bullshit as well as a flagrant fucking insult to peoples' intelligence. 

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Hey, Ethan; nice state you got there. Not full of evil loonies at all. http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/wonkblog/wp/2015/05/21/kansas-has-found-the-ultimate-way-to-punish-the-poor/

 

Edit: Rand Paul's statement is, to be fair, exactly what his namesake would say. I mean, it's idiotic in its oversimplification of rights and government services, but it's perfectly in character.

Edited by Mr. GOH!
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https://twitter.com/diodesign/status/601238746118234112

 

 

With regard to the idea of whether you have a right to health care, you have realize what that implies. It’s not an abstraction. I’m a physician. That means you have a right to come to my house and conscript me. It means you believe in slavery. It means that you’re going to enslave not only me, but the janitor at my hospital, the person who cleans my office, the assistants who work in my office, the nurses.

 

Basically, once you imply a belief in a right to someone’s services — do you have a right to plumbing? Do you have a right to water? Do you have right to food? — you’re basically saying you believe in slavery.
 
I’m a physician in your community and you say you have a right to health care. You have a right to beat down my door with the police, escort me away and force me to take care of you? That’s ultimately what the right to free health care would be.

 

HAahhh... :unsure:

 

FUCKING CHRIST!

 

1319767194003.png?1319774338

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Hey, Ethan; nice state you got there. Not full of evil loonies at all. http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/wonkblog/wp/2015/05/21/kansas-has-found-the-ultimate-way-to-punish-the-poor/

 

Edit: Rand Paul's statement is, to be fair, exactly what his namesake would say. I mean, it's idiotic in its oversimplification of rights and government services, but it's perfectly in character.

 

You guys still charge for cash withdrawals? Over here the majority of ATMs are free (since they're ran by banks), with only the private ones in like nightclubs n such charging a fee. (which was funny to see Kenshi shy on a 75p charge on one since..stereotypes of Scottish people n such)

 

Limiting to $25 seems insane too, over here £20 is like the usual minimum (you can manually type in to get £10 though, and there's even some cash machines will do £5 amounts though that's rare).

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The minimum is usually $20 for ATMs, though in poor areas in cities it can be $10. The legislation in Kansas is needlessly cruel,including the $25 daily limit, because Kansas is infected with evil and cruel idiots.

 

Yes, ATM fees are outrageous, though if you're middle-class, they're usually free if you have the right kind of checking account. The poor do not qualify for those accounts, nor would these welfare debit cards qualify.

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  • 3 weeks later...

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