SomTervo Posted June 25, 2012 Report Share Posted June 25, 2012 It just says 'terrible'... So I guess that would include 'terrible' i.e. terrifying i.e. distasteful/ offensive! Re: that joke my friend made (above), it's actually pretty worrying that he came up with that on the spot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post TheFlyingGerbil Posted July 11, 2012 Popular Post Report Share Posted July 11, 2012 Two nuns are driving down a road and a vampire jumps out in front of them. One nun says to the other, "Quick, Mary get out and show them your cross" so Mary jumps out of the car and shouts at the vampire, "I am so angry with you right now!". 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mercurial Posted July 11, 2012 Report Share Posted July 11, 2012 Why are nun jokes always puns? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheMightyEthan Posted July 11, 2012 Report Share Posted July 11, 2012 Most bad jokes are puns. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luftwaffles Posted July 12, 2012 Report Share Posted July 12, 2012 Why are nun jokes always puns? Huh, that's true about the puns. I can't think of any that have nun at all... 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MasterDex Posted July 14, 2012 Report Share Posted July 14, 2012 You'd have to know Ireland fairly well to get some of this but fuck it, it had me giggling like a schoolgirl. Fifty Shades of Grey - Irish Edition Give it to me, give it to me’, he roared aggressively. Some days Mary hated working at Ulster Bank. He slipped his hand under the red silk.. “You’re so beautiful in that dress.”, “Feck off, it was only a euro in Penneys!” Bríd’s knees were sore and her throat was raw…This was the longest Novena she’d ever attended. "You’re so tight" he said, "I’m from Cavan" she replied. Slowly he ran his finger down the middle, parting the pink softness, feeling the moist sticky centre. He loved a Mikado. ‘She quivered as I stroked her thighs. ‘Take me in the shower Sean!’ I whispered to her ‘Wait till I turn on the immersion’‘ Her underwear was wet as he pulled the rope. "There’s great drying out today!" she thought as the clothes line hoisted’ She wrapped her fingers around it and greedily pulled it towards her lips. 20 bottles for 15 quid at Centra, Mick! Bargain! 'Its so long! Never seen the likes of it!' exclaimed Maire, as she joined the dole queue. She widened her mouth, trying to fit it all in!! Juices ran down her face. Mary did love a kebab after coppers. She was panting as she let out one final scream of pure pleasure. There was nothing like beating Kilkenny in the hurling. She took a deep breath as the shivers rolled down her hot body... Jaysus, she thought. The vicks is kicking in now! Come on! Pump it hard.. Real hard! But it was no use the tyre was definitely punctured! He asked if she could handle more than one finger. She said she preferred Hob Nobs or a purple Schnack with her tea. Spread 'em', he said gruffly. Margie looked dolefully at the bags of fertilizer destined for the back field. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mister Jack Posted July 18, 2012 Report Share Posted July 18, 2012 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Little Pirate Posted July 18, 2012 Popular Post Report Share Posted July 18, 2012 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luftwaffles Posted July 22, 2012 Report Share Posted July 22, 2012 Courtesy of Krater. "A bad metaphor is like a leaky screwdriver." 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deanb Posted July 25, 2012 Author Report Share Posted July 25, 2012 Via my mums BF who has an equally terrible sense of humour as I: (This one modified a bit by myself to fit instead of as convo): We don't know if the guy that crashed into Katie Holmes was part of a Scientology plot to kill her or not, but we do know that he was a rubbish driver. There was another I thought was good but I've forgotten, I'll add it in when I remember. For my own: A man finds a magic lamp and out pops a genie. The genie says "You have three wishes, but under one condition; whatever you wish for your wife gets twice as much". Guy is "okay. Well for my first wish I'd like £1million". "Done," says the genie "and as promised your wife now has £2million too". "For my second wish I'd like a big house in the country". "As you wish, and your wife has a house twice as big. Now what would you like for your final wish?". The man thinks for a bit then says "I'd like you to scare me half to death". 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheFlyingGerbil Posted August 14, 2012 Report Share Posted August 14, 2012 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheFlyingGerbil Posted August 23, 2012 Report Share Posted August 23, 2012 If by terrible you mean amazing. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deanb Posted August 23, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 23, 2012 Oh shit I've had a couple saved up of late. So a quick one via mums BF again: Time flies like an arrow, Fruit flies like banana. And one I may have written already: Three cowboys are in a saloon talking about their friend Tommy. The first cowboy says "I bet when Tommy arrives he'll be wanting to show off about his fancy new sports car". "Nah," says the second, "he's a good boy, he'll greet us all once he arrives." The third says "If I know one thing about Tommy it's that he's a smart guy, he'll do both". Just then the doors push open and in walks Tommy. "Audi partners". 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheFlyingGerbil Posted September 18, 2012 Report Share Posted September 18, 2012 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheFlyingGerbil Posted September 28, 2012 Report Share Posted September 28, 2012 (edited) Someone needs to try this out: Edited October 2, 2012 by TheFlyingGerbil 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SomTervo Posted November 10, 2012 Report Share Posted November 10, 2012 (edited) Time flies like an arrow, Fruit flies like banana. That's by the Marx Bros. True classic. Also exemplifies a great linguistic phenomena. One I heard was... So in ancient Rome, the local prefects got word that a woman was running around the market masquerading as the emperor. They went to investigate, and when one of them finally spotted her, he pointed at her and shouted to his colleagues 'CEASAR!' Edited November 10, 2012 by kenshi_ryden 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheMightyEthan Posted November 10, 2012 Report Share Posted November 10, 2012 Apologies if I already posted this, but the discussion in the AC3 thread reminded me of it: What do you call a horse with a snorkel? A Canadian submarine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deanb Posted December 18, 2012 Author Report Share Posted December 18, 2012 Via Royal Mail: What is the best Christmas gift in the world? A broken drum. It can't be beaten. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deanb Posted January 2, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 2, 2013 How do you get four elephants in a mini? Two in the front and two in the back. How do you get four giraffes in a mini? You can't, it's full of elephants. How do you get two whales in a mini? Along the M4 and over the Severn Bridge! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheFlyingGerbil Posted January 21, 2013 Report Share Posted January 21, 2013 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheFlyingGerbil Posted April 11, 2013 Report Share Posted April 11, 2013 How do you know your sister's on her period? Your Dad's cock tastes of blood. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deanb Posted April 11, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 11, 2013 One I was telling my housemate today (due to timely BMW driver); BMW driver parks up on a busy road, opens his car door without looking as a car speeds past and rips the door off the hinges A policeman comes up to the scene as the BMW driver starts shouting and cussing "that dickhead just destroyed my beautiful beemer!". The policeman responds "eurgh, you materialistic yuppie types disgust me. You're so worked up over your car you've failed to notice your arm has been ripped clean off!". The BMW driver looks in shock and horror at the bloody stump, "my..my..my Rolex!". 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheFlyingGerbil Posted April 13, 2013 Report Share Posted April 13, 2013 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheFlyingGerbil Posted May 25, 2013 Report Share Posted May 25, 2013 more of a prank than a joke but still pretty terrible. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deanb Posted May 25, 2013 Author Report Share Posted May 25, 2013 People carry on confusing EDF for EDL. If EDL were an energy company we'd have a lot more blackouts. EDF uses green power, EDL uses white power. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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