Strangelove Posted March 19, 2015 Report Share Posted March 19, 2015 (edited) You win. Also, as a former bartender - we hate those kinds of jokes. You will be served last...and slowly from then on. Edited March 19, 2015 by Strangelove Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hot Heart Posted March 20, 2015 Report Share Posted March 20, 2015 Can someone explain this to me please? me at the bar: hey ill have two on the rocks Bartender: two what? me: thanks The only sense I can make of it is like Two on the rocks = no drink specified, so just ice Bartender's enquiry sounds like he's asking if they're "too hot" But then the punchline should be "Yeah" This makes it sound like they've been complimented as hot but THAT ALSO MAKES NO SENSE. WHY DID YOU SHARE THIS WHO EVEN SAID THIS AAAAAAAGGGH 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thursday Next Posted March 20, 2015 Report Share Posted March 20, 2015 You win. Also, as a former bartender - we hate those kinds of jokes. You will be served last...and slowly from then on. I'm almost sure we've already have this one, but searching is for losers. A Muslim, a black man and a communist walk into a bar, the barman says "What will it be Mr President?" Can someone explain this to me please? me at the bar: hey ill have two on the rocks Bartender: two what? me: thanks The only sense I can make of it is like Two on the rocks = no drink specified, so just ice Bartender's enquiry sounds like he's asking if they're "too hot" But then the punchline should be "Yeah" This makes it sound like they've been complimented as hot but THAT ALSO MAKES NO SENSE. WHY DID YOU SHARE THIS WHO EVEN SAID THIS AAAAAAAGGGH Same here, my mind was on the "too hot?" compliment line. Maybe I need to hear the delivery to get it. Even then, I think it's just going to make me feel sad inside. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheFlyingGerbil Posted May 30, 2015 Report Share Posted May 30, 2015 you know what really gets my goat? el chupacabra 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheMightyEthan Posted May 30, 2015 Report Share Posted May 30, 2015 You win. Also, as a former bartender - we hate those kinds of jokes. You will be served last...and slowly from then on. What if I tip really, really well? Will that offset it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deanb Posted June 4, 2015 Author Report Share Posted June 4, 2015 If A.A Milne was wrting books today he'd have to add tigger warnings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheFlyingGerbil Posted July 2, 2015 Report Share Posted July 2, 2015 Over the past year, my sexual fetishes have been slowly getting more perverse; But it wasn't until I spanked a statue that I realized I'd hit rock bottom. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheFlyingGerbil Posted July 25, 2015 Report Share Posted July 25, 2015 Did you hear about the two gay ghosts? They put the willies up each other. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheFlyingGerbil Posted July 30, 2015 Report Share Posted July 30, 2015 What do you call an indecisive zombie? Hesitant evil. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheFlyingGerbil Posted August 10, 2015 Report Share Posted August 10, 2015 GOPTeens is a parody account, but this is still pretty funny. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thursday Next Posted August 11, 2015 Report Share Posted August 11, 2015 I'm still annoyed by the bartender joke. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deanb Posted September 1, 2015 Author Report Share Posted September 1, 2015 Beyond the Faraway Tree Stannis and Hitler are planning their war campaign. New reports are coming in that thier heavy mining for iron is causing problems for the men and morale is low. The two muse over what is to be done when Hitler suggests "Then we must mine less" "Mine fewer" Stannis responds. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deanb Posted September 29, 2015 Author Report Share Posted September 29, 2015 To get around paying their fine VW could just buy Fiat and then they would have most of the worlds money. Because a lot of countries use a fiat currency 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheFlyingGerbil Posted October 5, 2015 Report Share Posted October 5, 2015 has that loaded? The address was weird This next one isn't a joke, but it is terrible. this is just one more item in a long list of things not to like about morrisey Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheMightyEthan Posted October 6, 2015 Report Share Posted October 6, 2015 And now Morrissey is a person I've heard of. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deanb Posted October 6, 2015 Author Report Share Posted October 6, 2015 He was lead singer of The Smiths which were a fairly popular band back in the day, pop up on the radio quite often. Might have heard of them. Morrisey himself is quite controversial, every time he pop up in the news there's panic on the streets of London. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheFlyingGerbil Posted October 24, 2015 Report Share Posted October 24, 2015 Yay we're on a new page so don't have to see my bartender joke. You remember, the "two what" joke that drove everyone mad thinking about it. That one. Just one the last page, a riddle waiting to be solved. Anyway, this one is simpler. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deanb Posted January 4, 2016 Author Report Share Posted January 4, 2016 What's a Geordies favourite country? Norway "I just met someone from Geordie Shore" "Norway!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hot Heart Posted January 4, 2016 Report Share Posted January 4, 2016 Have you guys played the Oscar Pistorius drinking game? Whenever your partner goes to the toilet, you take a shot. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deanb Posted June 9, 2016 Author Report Share Posted June 9, 2016 The best place to have a heart attack is a farm as it's really easy to get you to a stable condition. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheFlyingGerbil Posted July 4, 2016 Report Share Posted July 4, 2016 They recently found a mummy in Egypt, covered in chocolate and nuts. Scientists believe it’s Pharaoh Rocher. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deanb Posted August 15, 2016 Author Report Share Posted August 15, 2016 Three surgeons are at a dinner and talking about their favourite patients to work on. "I prefer librarians", says the first, "You open them up and everything is in alphabetical order". "My favourite is electricians, you open them up and everything is colour coded" The third chimes in, "I prefer operating on lawyers. They're spineless, heartless and their heads and their arses are interchangeable" 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deanb Posted September 20, 2016 Author Report Share Posted September 20, 2016 Apparently one I posed on Facebook a couple years ago. Heck wouldn't surprise me if I posted it here too. Budapest Zoo has Hippos. I wonder if they're Hungary Hippos. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deanb Posted September 21, 2016 Author Report Share Posted September 21, 2016 Africa would likely be much more financially better off if they didn't waste their money making their mines out of diamond. I feel slightly bad for that one. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheFlyingGerbil Posted October 16, 2016 Report Share Posted October 16, 2016 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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