deanb Posted October 16, 2016 Author Report Share Posted October 16, 2016 One of mine from many many moons ago:So Nic Cage and John Travolta walk into a bar, and the bartender says, "Why the wrong face?" 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deanb Posted October 17, 2016 Author Report Share Posted October 17, 2016 Was chatting with my mum. She said when I moved back in after uni she hated that I'd be constantly singing Monkees songs. At first I thought she was joking, but then I saw her face. And for Gerbils above. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thursday Next Posted October 18, 2016 Report Share Posted October 18, 2016 "The British Empire at present covers a quarter of the globe"... Hence, Brexit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deanb Posted November 18, 2016 Author Report Share Posted November 18, 2016 So you may know that eggs are prepared differently in the states to the rest of the world. Most of the world vaccinate their chickens for salmonella, and the states wash the eggs instead. You know why they don't vaccinate chickens in the states? They don't want autistic chickens. (I feel this could be worded better, and probably works better in a spoken form with relevant punctuation n such. Also probably even better not being in the joke thread where you're expecting a punchline) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deanb Posted November 20, 2016 Author Report Share Posted November 20, 2016 Stolen from FB: Trump is so pissed at theatre that he's gonna build a fourth wall. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deanb Posted November 21, 2016 Author Report Share Posted November 21, 2016 I'm amazed some people confuse the testicles with the penis considering there's a vas deferens between them. Welcome to my shower thoughts. I had to google when I got out the shower to check I was anatomically correct. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thursday Next Posted November 24, 2016 Report Share Posted November 24, 2016 To check that you are anatomically correct, or that the joke is? Also... "Two what?"!? What does it even mean? Too hot? Why is it hot? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deanb Posted November 24, 2016 Author Report Share Posted November 24, 2016 to check the joke is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MetalCaveman Posted November 28, 2016 Report Share Posted November 28, 2016 https://twitter.com/shwood/status/803250439093448705 A man goes to a zoo, but the only animal in the entire zoo is a dog. It was a shih tzu. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheFlyingGerbil Posted January 15, 2017 Report Share Posted January 15, 2017 Why are vampires evil? They're bad at self-reflection. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MetalCaveman Posted January 26, 2017 Report Share Posted January 26, 2017 Turns out, the extradition of El Chapo was just part of an elaborate plan to build tunnels under the infamous wall, joke's on you Trump, build a wall, we'll just dig under it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thursday Next Posted January 27, 2017 Report Share Posted January 27, 2017 Two what though?! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deanb Posted February 13, 2017 Author Report Share Posted February 13, 2017 Just found out I'm adopted. My new parents are coming to pick up up this afternoon. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post TheFlyingGerbil Posted February 25, 2017 Popular Post Report Share Posted February 25, 2017 What do you call a homosexual Russian knight? Sergei 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheFlyingGerbil Posted April 4, 2017 Report Share Posted April 4, 2017 Where does a mansplainer get his water? From a well, actually. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheFlyingGerbil Posted April 18, 2017 Report Share Posted April 18, 2017 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deanb Posted April 30, 2017 Author Report Share Posted April 30, 2017 Overheard at the White House: Trump to Vice-President Mike Pence: "the less immigrants we let in the better." Pence to trump: "FEWER.." Trump interrupts Pence and says: "don't call me that in public". edit: Or this form which I've heard used before and I think works better tbh; Trump is attending a presentation about the condition of mining industry. The presenter says, "Too much effort is being spent on obscure materials. We're mining too many useless ores." Trump interjects, "Mine less of them then." Pence says quietly, "Mine fewer." Trump looks at him quickly and says, "Don't call me that in public." 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mister Jack Posted May 4, 2017 Report Share Posted May 4, 2017 I was walking home today and I say four guys beating up a little kid so I decided to help. He stood no chance against all five of us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheFlyingGerbil Posted May 21, 2017 Report Share Posted May 21, 2017 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deanb Posted May 21, 2017 Author Report Share Posted May 21, 2017 Wow. Dark. Kinda freaks me out it's even a thing 10 years on. Anyway seems I had this saved here and I guess didn't post it but I don't think much can get worse than a joke about a kidnapped/murdered kid so here it is: What'd you call 5 black slaves having sex. Reveal hidden contents a threesome Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheMightyEthan Posted May 22, 2017 Report Share Posted May 22, 2017 The book thing just made me cringe, but @deanbmmv's joke is one of those things I laugh at and then feel bad for laughing at it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thursday Next Posted May 23, 2017 Report Share Posted May 23, 2017 I don't get dean's joke... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deanb Posted May 23, 2017 Author Report Share Posted May 23, 2017 For Thursday: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Three-Fifths_Compromise For non-Brits: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Disappearance_of_Madeleine_McCann Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thursday Next Posted May 23, 2017 Report Share Posted May 23, 2017 Woah, that is pretty esoteric. Thanks for the explainer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deanb Posted May 23, 2017 Author Report Share Posted May 23, 2017 I figured the Americans would get it. tbh I only know of it cos of having a US copy of Cards Against Humanity. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.