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4th Annual PXOD Secret Santa Thank Yous


TheMightyEthan
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  • 2 weeks later...

In case you didn't get it...

Goh. Oh Goh. Damn you, you marvelous bastard. Until today, I had heard that you were a great Secret Santa. So when I clicked the PXOD tab and saw the Steam link, I knew it was sale time. So I opened my steam client. There, I saw something a strange. A string of  messages popping up in the corner. Raging, I wanted them to stop. But one caught my eye. "OH THAT GOH," I said. "UNDERSTANDING ME SO WELL, WHAT WITH HIS NFL AND SHIT." Next came the shock! "DID HE REALLY?" I muttered. The messages were rapid. Elated, I clicked my messages tab. Lag. Lag. There it i--lag. "Aha!" I said. Little did I know, I'd lag again. Eclipsing my elation was my gas. Gas that was not going to treat me right. Asiago cheese and I have never been friends. Murlocks, that's what my stomach sounded like. "Every damn time," I grunted as I stood up from my chair. "Oh," I had gone into the bathroom without the toilet paper. "Fffffffffffffffffffffffff" I said, as my stomach growled. Toilet paper is a precious commodity nowadays, it'll be worth more than water one day. Hearken back to the days of yore, when people had to use urine to clean themselves. Ruined, would my clothes be if I had decided to do that. One time, at Gamestop, a kid ruined his clothes when he let one loose while playing Wii Sports archery, and I got to clean it up. Never again do I hope to do that. Every damn time some kid went, it was my job to clean it up. So I'd usually do my best to make haste to the back room to use the restroom when it looked like some kid would blow chunks, because why the hell would I want to clean that up? Sometimes I'd get in trouble for it, but meh. It was my job to keep my hands clean. Now if you thought customers were clean, you got anudder ting comin'. Sometimes customers would pick their nose and shit and give me their cash, that's two gross things being handed to me. OF COURSE IT WAS IMPORTANT TO CLEAN MY HANDS WHO ARE YOU TO ASK ME? FORGET ABOUT THAT MOVIE CONTAGION? AFTER MATT DAMON'S DAUGHTER GETS IT, HE CAN'T EVEN TALK TO HER EXCEPT THROUGH THAT PLASTIC. SOME PEOPLE DON'T GET THAT WASHING YOUR HANDS IS AN IMPORTANT TASK THAT WE SHOULD TAKE ON EVERY DAY. Oh you disagree with me? Let me ask you this, how does it feel to be a liar? Ahhhh that's right keep your mouth shut. REMEMBER CONTAGION NEXT TIME YOU EAT ANYTHING. Episode six of one of those important CBS comedies also dealt with this issue, I think it was the Big Ban--oh off topic. My bad. Pretend that I didn't just go insane for a second and let's get back on track. I went to the bathroom to get rid of that asiago cheese problem. Ready to sit down, I ended up just farting. Extra methane. The fart ended up making me just come back and go to my Steam messages, to find out they had actually loaded. Reading through my messages, it seems that Goh purchased me four games. I was in shock, because Goh then took to shitting all over the Chicago Bears in the messages he sent me. Now I have to sit here and accept these gifts while my keyboard is covered in tears. I don't know if I'll recover from this, but I'll at least have the games Goh bought me. Thank you, Goh. You really made this a strange night.

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