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Last Crap Movie You Saw


Yantelope
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X-Men Origins: Wolverine

 

What was FOX thinking here? The action is enjoyable but the CGI is arguably some of the worst I've ever seen for a production of this size. Wolverines claw's look like they've been drawn on using Gimp and the story itself was all over the place. 

 

Urgh. Urgh.

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  • 4 weeks later...

So, been a while since I've been on here and I've seen a few films in the meantime. Forunately, this is the only one that belongs in this thread.

 

Amazing Spider-Man 2.

 

Holy-fucking-shit. I had no idea you could fuck up a film so bad. Going in, I totally forgot it was written by Orci and Kurtzman, but when I saw their names in the credits, it explained everything. This is the pair that brought you Transformers, The Island, Abrams' Star Trek films and Cowboys & Aliens. Whatever they touch turns to shit.

 

Anyway, I quite enjoyed ASM1. Sure, it had plenty of flaws, but I appreciated seeing a new direction somewhat, where Peter is more of a jerk 'riding for a fall' (since we all know the Gwen Stacy stuff).

 

Boy, oh boy, did they fumble every single fucking thing.

 

Firstly, you get some pointless flashback with the Parkers which didn't really need to be so long or even in there at all (at least Iron Man 2 didn't waste so much time with its 'dead dad's secrets' bullshit) and then, after that, some stupid goddamn 'ghost dad' Denis Leary during an okay action sequence but so camp that it jars with the serious aspects.

 

Then we get the Harry stuff, which is stupid (Why was his condition accelerated? You think his dad didn't already try something with the locked away spiders? If Oscorp destroyed all the hybrid experiment stuff, why are those eels connected to the power grid stuff?) and so forced. Yet again you can see where they've slashed apart the film with yet more things shown in the trailer but not actually in the film (ASM1 cut and rearranged all the 'genetic destiny' stuff for this one).

 

And Electro! My god, Foxx is god awful but then the script doesn't help matters either. And a sadistic German scientist? Seriously?!

 

And of course the Gwen Stacy stuff. It's all back and forth and aimless and such a mess that you can tell they were just killing time until they could kill... you know.

 

And the moment itself! With the web with the little reaching-out fingers... And when she arrived before that by driving a car into Electro! And they blew up the guy who can become pure energy anyway? Then, even if Peter's supposed to feel bad, he's off the hook because Gwen gave a big "I'm going to die" speech at the beginning and so it must be alright now.

 

And then they've given Rhino a massively expensive exosuit so he can... rob a bank?! And the people just standing behind a solitary barrier, and the kid in the costume and... oh my fucking god. This film has soooo many stupid things in it. Did people get paid to make this film? Why is it so long? Why is everything about it so utterly inept?

 

If you thought Spider-Man 3 was bad, you ain't seen nothing yet.

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  • 4 weeks later...

Dean: Kinda? I am a member of Movie Pass; for $36 a month subscription, I can see one film per day at any theater that accepts Discover cards (like 99% of theaters in New York City). It's a steal of a deal, since regular tickets run $12 to $15 here and I see at least one movie a week. Transformers was the only movie that worked with my schedule last Wednesday when I had about three hours to kill between work and meeting a friend for drinks.

 

I may hate a given movie but, damn, I love going to the movies and I like to watch even bad movies I dislike. It's due to how I was raised by a professor of film, I think.

 

Edit: The statutory rape law things was actually in the film, and the card was large enough and the shot held long enough that the audience could read a bit of it. It was really, really, really . . . (*hours pass*) really dumb. I have no idea why she had to be 18 (or even in the movie). 

Edited by Mr. GOH!
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Man, I kinda wish Empire had a monthly pass. I'd love to go to the cinemas more often, but it's a bit of a pain in the but to grab folks together and there's only a handful of films I'm up for watching on my todd (and most of those tend to be the ones I can leverage folks for). Cineworld had a £9/month pass (though I imagine it's gone up in price, since that's nearly a single move ticket these days) but no Cineworld near by.

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Man, I kinda wish Empire had a monthly pass. I'd love to go to the cinemas more often, but it's a bit of a pain in the but to grab folks together and there's only a handful of films I'm up for watching on my todd (and most of those tend to be the ones I can leverage folks for). Cineworld had a £9/month pass (though I imagine it's gone up in price, since that's nearly a single move ticket these days) but no Cineworld near by.

 

I spent upwards of £200 in the cinema last year. Vue and Odeon mainly, with maybe 1 trip to Showcase in town. As much as I love film, I can't do that again; especially when I buy 1/3 of the films I pay to see again on Blu ray.

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Wait, the bit about him having a laminated copy of Texas statutory rape laws on his person, is that a hyperbole or something actually in the film?

I wondered the same thing after seeing some tweets about it but after reading a few articles, it sounds like that's an actual thing.  an actual thing in the movie.

 

what the fuck.

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As I confirmed, the boyfriend pulls out a laminated card with the Texas Romeo and Juliet law stating that people within 3 years of age can fuck without running afoul of statutory rape laws and shoves it in Marky Mark's face. The camera cuts to a close view and holds it for maybe 4 or 5 seconds. It's bizarre, not funny, confusing, and ultimately a waste of everyone's time, just like the rest of the movie.

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  • 1 month later...

Lucy

 

First of all, I didn't really want to see the film. My friends were going and sorting out times for seeing this and Dawn of the Planet of the Apes, but getting something compatible meant I could only see this one (when I would've much preferred DotPotA)

 

Anyway, this film suuuuucks. Maybe it was Besson's intention, but you can actually feel yourself getting dumber as you watch it. Seriously, it's like an idiot teenager wrote some speculative science fiction. The story's bad, the science is bad, the effects are bad...

 

The only thing that stops it from being the worst film I've seen all year is that this has Scarlett Johansson and ASM2 did not.

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I knew that movie was going to be a piece of crap the very first time I saw the trailer. "Human beings only use 10% of their brain" my ass. A five minute Google search is all you need to disprove that "fact," but either nobody bothered to look it up or Hollywood just has absolutely no respect for the movie going public. Considering how well Transformers 4 did, though, maybe they're right not to.

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See, I already knew the "10% of our brains" stuff was crap and I was suppressing a laugh every time Morgan Freeman said, "Cerebral capacity."

 

I half expected it to put on pre-tenses of being smart before turning into some brainless actioner, and I wouldn't have minded that so much, but it doesn't do that. All the action is shit (there's even an utterly pointless 'car chase'), there's no conflict, there's no drama, there's no fucking character, it just... is.

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God Help The Girl

 

The wife was really excited for this movie and I think she enjoyed it. Though, I just want to punch everyone in the movie the fuck out. The whole thing was centered around "awe look how cute we are" and rock musicians are "mean, aggressive, and womanizers". The main character's motives were always unclear and everyone's fascinations with this bland boring girl reminded me of something like Twilight or The Hunger Games. The music wasn't as great, even by Belle and Sebastian standards, the title song, which I'll fully admit: was catch as all hell, isn't really in the movie (she sings a verse of it while playing a iPhone keyboard app). Plot ideas were introduced and abandoned quickly. And the whole fucking thing didn't even bother with a proper ending, NONE of the characters had resolution, which wasn't fitting for a movie like this. Stuart Murdoch clearly thinks very highly of himself because people are constantly talking about what a great songwriter Emily Browning is. The characters, the writing, everything, was just pretentious, very... Pitchforkian, if that's a phrase. At least you can see what Gilly from Game of Thrones looks like as a normal person. That's a plus... I guess?

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  • 2 weeks later...

12 Years A Slave

 

Coincidentally, this is also the amount of life was sucked out of me by watching this movie.

 

Characters:  All one dimensional

Plot:  Pretty obvious

Editing/Filming:  Not terrible, but there were some scenes that were very poorly edited and could have been made in the 50's B-movies

Acting:  Not bad, but nothing to write home about

 

In summary, if you want to watch this movie, go ahead, but your money would be better spent on toilet paper.

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12 Years A Slave

 

Coincidentally, this is also the amount of life was sucked out of me by watching this movie.

 

Characters:  All one dimensional

Plot:  Pretty obvious

Editing/Filming:  Not terrible, but there were some scenes that were very poorly edited and could have been made in the 50's B-movies

Acting:  Not bad, but nothing to write home about

 

In summary, if you want to watch this movie, go ahead, but your money would be better spent on toilet paper.

 

Seriously? Say what you want about the plot but from a technical level I think this film is fantastic. Some of the shots are simply stunning, and the acting is solid to great. 

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  • 2 months later...

Lucy

 

So I went into this thinking "that whole 10% thing will just be like a bit of blurb in the trailer, they wouldn't base the whole film around the premise". They have a running total of the percent brain unlocked throughout the movie. It gets mixed in with a lot of mubo-jumbo bullcrap they have Morgan Freeman reciting at a lecture, and it doesn't really go anywhere much or really present any particular moral/theory that it maybe could have. 

The splicing of wildlife footage with some scenes was a good idea, but I feel kinda poor execution, though I get what he was going for. I'm also left wondering "surely they can produce another 4kg of the stuff? She won't be the only one that can get those kinds of powers". From what the film told us too, for the most part the drug should/will kill you. I understand you can OD on regular old illegal drugs, but it was explicitly stated 1. she should have died from the exposure 2. she will die within 24hrs (which seems to stretch a fair bit cos she goes on a 12hr journey after she says that).

 

All in all I felt somewhat dumber by the end of the film. Thankful it was only a 90minute film, so I snuck on Grand Budapest as a palette cleanser which everyone thoroughly enjoyed, though slightly pooped by the movie double bill.

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