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Last Crap Movie You Saw


Yantelope
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  • 3 weeks later...

My wife also made me watch Divergent. That movie was the worst. The guy named Four? Stupid. What's-her-name's dumb doe eyes? Stupid. The entire premise? Hella stupid. Uh, yeah, most people would be divergent you fucking dumbasses. Hopefully no sequels get made.

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In my defense, I was sick and delirious when I was watching it. I was personally shocked that I dislike it as much as I do. It's a Quentin Tarantino. I usually love his films. 

 

You're dead to me.

Isn't this the second or third time that I'm dead to you?

 

 

 

Reservoir Dogs

 

I just didn't like it. I don't know why.

I wish I could take back steam gifts, you don't deserve them!

 

Shush now, enjoy Dubai... 

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Dumb and Dumber To. Just as unfunny as the first one. I didnt finish it.

The first one at least had the hilarious headless bird gag, nothing like that in this one sadly.

 

Though like the first one, Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels were excellent. what a waste.

Edited by Strangelove
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  • 1 month later...

Fast and Furious, 5? I think, the one where they drag a safe around. There was a hilarious bit where they raced a 1/4 mile for $1million. The race took around 1 minute. By my calculations, that makes for an average speed of around 15mph. Furiously fast by anyone's standards. The constant and painful use of the word "dog" by Paul "whitest man in the universe" Walker made me grind my teeth to stumps in about the first 10 minutes. The constant "banter" got to the point where almost every other line in the film was someone talkin' sass. It was an awful awful film. If I had been involved in this film and knew I had another two on the cards, I'd be severely tempted to drive a Porsche Carrera GT into a concrete lampost and a couple of trees in the hope that the collision would be fatal.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JtkNFtMvNUU#t=1m17s

 

EDIT: I misspelled "knew".

Edited by Thursday Next
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If I had been involved in this film and new I had another two on the cards, I'd be severely tempted to drive a Porsche Carrera GT into a concrete lampost and a couple of trees in the hope that the collision would be fatal.

 

no-words-homer-into-brush.gif

 

 

Yeah yeah, so I got "new" and "knew" mixed up. That's no reason to back into a hedge...

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The new SpongeBob movie. It was worse than you think. I like the show. I liked the first SpongeBob movie. This was just a badly put together pile of remnants.

 

Of course, my kids loved that shit.

I was hoping it was a return to formula from before the first movie :/

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  • 2 months later...

I was home sick earlier this week, so I watched two films, one was crap it was called.... A Million Ways To Die In The West. I liked Ted, I like westerns, but I did not like this. I actually fell asleep half way through so maybe there was an incredible turnaround but I doubt it. All the best bits were in the trailer, and even those weren't that good. It was free on VOD, I'm glad I didn't have to pay for it, and the nap I had was awesome so I guess it wasn't all bad.  :unsure2:

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  • 1 month later...

Jurassic Park World. It misused every single cast member, the plot was dumb, the kids were dumb, the movie was pretty retrograde in its depiction of women, the romance was tired and arbitrary, the dinosaurs were boring, the plot made no sense, everyone was dumb as fuck so the plot would even work, it was not self-aware in any good way and was not the smart deconstruction of sequels I was promised, nothing made sense, faux-John Williams ain't no John Williams, Vincent D'onofrio was misused and made no sense, Chris Pratt was not nearly as fun as he should have been and his character made no sense, and the movie was leaden and its sense of fun was unfelt, like it was put together by aliens who only understand fun and humor intellectually as if they were just checking off elements of a movie that would make is Spielbergian (pre-Schindler's List).

 

Utter crap, worst in the series, and I cannot understand why anyone liked it. 

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  • 3 weeks later...

Terminator:Genisys. Not as bad as JPW, but it approaches that level of dumbness. The action set pieces are only ever OK, and Arnold is sometimes funny, I guess, though he's shoehorned into the story without any real explanation as to why. Indeed, his presence is the biggest mystery in the movie, and it is NEVER explained. Indeed, the whole issue of the changed timelines is hand-waved away and we never find out what caused the timeline to change.

 

Jai Courtney is forgettable, as he is in everything; he's a poor man's Tom Hardy. But he's better than the action it-boy of the late 00's and early 10's Sam Worthington, so I guess it's not all bad. Emilia Clarke presents a much, much, much less interesting Sarah Connor than Linda Hamilton (and, I assume, Lena Headey, though I never watched that show). The new Termiantor is essentially the same sort of Termiantor as in 3, just wearing a new face and attitude. Indeed, the conflict between the aging T-800 and the new Terminator model has already been done to death in T2 and T3 and this movie adds zero to it, instead just straight-up retreading it.

 

I am so disappointed in these sequels to beloved 90's movies this year, but I suppose I should not be surprised.

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  • 2 months later...

Jimi: All Is By My Side
Man, what a fucking travesty. Andre 3000 did a decent enough job capturing Hendrix, but it was distractingly obvious that he wasn't actually playing that guitar. There's a scene where Jimi violently beats his girlfriend with a phone, according to the girlfriend and Jimi's family, this entire scene was made up. Knowing that, it's uncomfortable to watch and not for the reasons the filmmakers wanted. So, it's all pretty obvious why the Hendrix estate didn't give permission to use any Hendrix songs. All in all, I'm left wondering why this movie was even made. 

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