Jump to content

Last Crap Movie You Saw


Yantelope
 Share

Recommended Posts

Yeah, I think it's well-known that Ewan McGregor thought the new Star Wars films were a load of crap. And I'm sure he's the one who had to go through the most 'walk and talk (with a representation of a to-be-added-later CG character) until you reach the edge of the bluescreen stage then stop' scenes.

 

No one would pass up the chance to be a friggin' Jedi though, especially not Obi-Wan.

Edited by Hot Heart
Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

Isnt it weird when you see a bad movie and KNOW that some of the actors knew how bad it was from the getgo?

I can guarantee you that Nicolas Cage has been in that situation multiple times.

 

 

I dont know about that. Im convinced he thinks the films he makes are good.....Hes one of those actors that lives in delusion.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Nic Cage is so hard to figure out. Unlike Keanu Reeves who is absolutely a terrible actor, Nic Cage really impressed me in KickAss. Hes done some decent stuff, but has been completely overshadowed by the mass amounts of shit hes been in. Id like to think hes a good actor who makes really bad decisions.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Nic Cage is so hard to figure out. Unlike Keanu Reeves who is absolutely a terrible actor, Nic Cage really impressed me in KickAss. Hes done some decent stuff, but has been completely overshadowed by the mass amounts of shit hes been in. Id like to think hes a good actor who makes really bad decisions.

 

Michael Caine was a bit like this. He has done loooooooaaaaaaads of films and a lot of them are utter shite. On the other hand, he's done Get Carter, The Italian Job, The Prestige, Zulu, Batman, The Ipcress File, Sleuth etc etc etc...

 

Actors like Caine and Cage I think look at acting as a job like any other, so they just take roles as and when they come up, not really sticking to the roles that they really feel passionately about.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Seems Priest has had some big marketing push, but no one is aware of the director and star's previous sort of similar collaboration http://www.metacritic.com/movie/legion

WHAAAT? The same people made that?

 

Okay, I'm done seeing anything slightly religous with Paul Bettany in it.

 

 

you couldn't tell? I thought it looked just like Legion from the first trailer.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Is the first Hangover actually good? I've never given it a chance, but I've been interested before. I was thinking about giving Part 2 a chance, but the general opinion seems to be, "This sequel should not exist."

The first one isn't some holy grail of comedy by any means, but it is very funny.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Is the first Hangover actually good? I've never given it a chance, but I've been interested before. I was thinking about giving Part 2 a chance, but the general opinion seems to be, "This sequel should not exist."

I found the first to be somewhat stale, but I appear to be in the minority. The humor relies almost entirely on over-the-top vulgarities rather than clever situational humor or witty dialog. I must say that Zach Galifianakis' character was very funny though.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Oh my fucking God. My friend decided to rent Sherlock Holmes for the night... except it was the wrong Sherlock Holmes. It was the Asylum version. You all need to see this movie. I guarantee you'll be rolling around, laughing your ass off. Holmes and Watson fight dinosaurs and a giant mechanical dragon, piloted by his giant mechanical brother, while the brother's mechanical wife tries to blow up Fake Buckingham Palace. Tears of pure joy went streaming down our faces as we watched the most intense trainwreck of a mystery movie ever conceived.

Edited by DukeOfPwn
  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Is the first Hangover actually good? I've never given it a chance, but I've been interested before. I was thinking about giving Part 2 a chance, but the general opinion seems to be, "This sequel should not exist."

I found the first to be somewhat stale, but I appear to be in the minority. The humor relies almost entirely on over-the-top vulgarities rather than clever situational humor or witty dialog. I must say that Zach Galifianakis' character was very funny though.

 

The over the top situations are funny though is the whole thing.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 3 weeks later...

Casino Jack was unbearable. I picked it up looking through Redbox because, "Hey, Kevin Spacey!" It is the worst attempt at a dark comedy that I have ever seen. And Jon fucking Lovitz is so BAD. It takes an interesting true story and makes it dreadfully boring, with Spacey, the only good actor, even going over-the-top too often.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Oh my fucking God. My friend decided to rent Sherlock Holmes for the night... except it was the wrong Sherlock Holmes. It was the Asylum version. You all need to see this movie.

 

From what I've heard, that's the only "good" Asylum movie.

 

http://www.fangoria.com/index.php?id=177:sherlock-holmes-dvd-review&option=com_content&catid=58:dvd-blu-ray-reviews&Itemid=182

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

Here's my review of Transformers 3. If you want to have suicidal thoughts, go see it. Dumb? You bet! Incoherent? Fuck yeah! Even more racist than the last movie, expanding to an entire new ethnic group (Asians)? You know it!

 

I may accidentally delve into spoilers, but it's 3 in the morning, and I have to unload all of this before I dive into my bed, upset that I've contributed to such a shit show. It may also mean that this is rambly and possibly incoherent, but that would be a step up from the drivel in the movie.

 

I'm just going to rattle off every problem that comes from the top of my head;

 

1. Leonard Nimoy plays the main villain, and the movie won't let you forget it. What are the two sidekick bots watching in the house? Star Trek! What does She Liboof announce loudly when he sees fancy cars? "THESE LOOK LIKE THEY CAME FROM STAR TREK, HUR DUR!" What happens when he enters a fancy building? "I FEEL LIKE I'M ONNA USS ENTERPRISE, HUR DERP!"

2. The main human antagonist is the most poorly-written villain I've ever seen. At first you think, "Oh, he's just doing this because he 'knows' the humans will lose anyway. Makes perfect sense". What makes him absolutely, positively horrible is that when the tide turns and the humans are most likely going to win, he reactivates the doomsday device! It feels like they just wrote a back story for a villain just to say he wasn't one-dimensional, only to have him act one-dimensional 100% of the time.

3. Fuck that new love interest. I never thought these words would escape my...fingers, but Megan Fox is sorely missed. Megan Fox could at least deliver lines somewhat competently. This new girl can't even go through a sentence without sounding like the dumbest bimbo in the world.

4. Every attempt at comic relief was absolutely horrible. But I did find humor in the serious bits, like when Sentinel punches the shit out of the Abraham Lincoln statue and sits in the giant Abraham Lincoln chair.

5. The visuals in this movie are so damn inconsistent. Most of the beginning parts look like they came from a movie with a much smaller budget. They do all sorts of effects, like switching from Fake Kennedy to Real Kennedy in the span of seconds (which makes the Fake Kennedy really stand out as an awful impersonation), or keeping zero shot consistency at the end of the film (the back-and-forth dialog camera angles are present, only they're in different poses every time it switches to the other speaker).

6. NOTHING HAPPENS FOR A FULL HOUR.

7. SherLeBeef is such a douche to his girlfriend, to his friends, and to the Autobots. He doesn't even have a decent reason. "I GOT A MEDAL FROM OBAMA AND I'M SPECIAL WHY WON'T ANYONE HIRE ME?" is not a valid reason.

8. At one point in the movie, Shulbeets is running with Seal Team Six and Victoria's Secret down a dirty alleyway. Suddenly, the Seals turn into the nearest building, while our "heroes" continue straight on. The Seal team's reaction? "Where did they go?" YOU SAW WHERE THEY WENT, YOU FUCKING MORONS. YOU WATCHED THEM RUN THAT WAY BEFORE YOU DUCKED INTO A BUILDING.

9. There's no tension. Optimus has already died twice, and Shialebrofugh died once. Both came back to life. You can't build tension when the heroes are all invincible badasses. The only characters they bother knocking out of commission in this one are not important to the story, like English Gentbot and Lacking Personalitybot.

10. You hire John Malkovitch and that woman from Fargo, and then you give them terrible parts. Way to spend your acting budget, Michael Bay.

11. The assholes in front of me reeked of pot. That's not part of the movie, but I can only assume that it is also Michael Bay's fault.

12. Worst cuts in a movie ever. They transition from a ruined cityscape to the side of a bloodhound's head. I heard someone from the audience scream, "Wait, what the fuck?" I can only share his surprise. Also, the the movie takes 154 minutes, yet it spends zero time on the ending. It just ends.

13. GODDAMN YOU WHY DID YOU DRAG THE REAL BUZZ ALDRIN INTO THIS AND MAKE HIM SAY SUCH HORRIBLE LINES YOU DISGRACEFUL BASTARDS

14. This movie sucks.

15. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZz

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I saw a short trailer for Transformers 3 on TV. It was the messiest pile of garbage I'd actually seen from a trailer. There was some inaudible dialogue then a photocopier comes to life and then there's a big robot ship flying through NYC. Guess I'm glad I never watched past the first (and I even regret that).

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Transformers 3 is godawful. It's 2 hours of the worst conspiracy comedy movie I've ever seen and half an hour of brilliantly beautiful scenes of robots fighting. But everything else aside from the fighting was unwatchable.

 

Also annoying: Shia is supposed to live in DC, but his neighborhood has skyscapers in it. There are no skyscrapers in DC. Maximum building height is about 12 floors.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Also annoying: Shia is supposed to live in DC, but his neighborhood has skyscapers in it. There are no skyscrapers in DC. Maximum building height is about 12 floors.

To be fair, that's not just Transformer 3's problem. Nearly every action movie in DC gives the city nonexistent skyscrapers.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...