Last OK Movie You Saw

[CorgiShinobi]

Mary Poppins Returns

 

I didn't choose to see this, but my mother wanted to see it. Heck, even my niece wasn't interested in seeing it.

 

I don't think anyone expected this to match the same magic as the original, but even so it's rather average. I think the best way I can describe the movie is that it's trying to be two movies at once. One movie where it's trying to retell the magic of Mary Poppins for both old and new generations, but then another movie that wants to make sure it's not too similar to the original. Like, you either go all in and embrace the same beats and feats of the original, or you take a gamble with something unique.

 

Why go with lamplighters (a.k.a. "leeries")? Sure they're humble laborers, but if you're going to make yet another group of mystical/magical Mary Poppins lovers, go back to chimney sweeps. I'm gonna have to spoil this, but the underground BMX lamp skate park is not as charming as people dancing on rooftops. It's like, hey, maybe we can eat our cake and have it too! It's the same, but different!

 

Emily Blunt is a good Mary Poppins, it's just a painfully boring adventure. Maybe because the plot itself was depressing if not tiring because Michael and Jane are given a definitive deadline to try and save the family home. The original was understanding the importance of family by putting aside time and treasuring the simple things like flying a kite. Here, it's about a widower having a near mental breakdown because his life has gone to hell. His kids have to pick up the slack so they've nearly become adults in their own right. However, if they can find this one important piece of paper, everything will be fine!

 

Shame the Banks family didn't keep important paperwork safe in an accessible location that was known to all should there be need to obtain financial backing and avoid any dubious loans.

 

6 Snoring Grandmas outta 10

 

I'm not kidding, so many sleeping old folk in the theater. (And the songs aren't very memorable!)

[deanb]

Hotel Artemis

 

A decent idea poorly executed. Mainly an issue of unnecessary plot elements as "character building" that ultimately didn't wholly matter. The big one I'd feel is the nurses social anxiety/agoraphobia. And the weird subplot with the son, which was sort of of no consequence at all really in how events play out yet there's frequent flashbacks.

 

Dave Bautista was pretty damn great though. 

 

 

Also the main guy is guy and I like to think since it's set in near future and it has the back story of the main guy "getting out the game" and his sort of thing around sorta backup plans n shit that they're just the same guy. (p.s this clips features a B99 spoiler from S5)

 

 

 

Ultimately if you've a lazy sunday and want some background viewing give it a shot. Mainly if you're a Bautista fan.

[deanb]

Mortal Engines

 

A film with an interesting premise (not that it does much to mull on the "predator cities" and scavenging), and some great visuals (I'd love to explore London in some kind of Dishonored like game). But ultimately I feel way too many moving parts that get in the way of each other. And Hugo Weaving is an absolutely terrible choice in that he just so outshines everyone in the film. 

 

I think maybe this would work well as a TV show, as most books would, with time to properly explore the 'conspiracy' of the energy project (which that thread went kinda nowhere), some proper world building, explore the "killer robot that helps a girl" stuff, and spend a bit more time in the other towns and cities.

 

Also what the hell was up with the

"No. I am your father!" right near the end. That was totally unnecessary and makes some lesser characters interactions (or lack off) kinda all bollocks. Just added nothing, the emotional core of revenge was good enough in "you killed my mum and slice open my face", didn't need any "oh btw I'm your dad" stuff. But likely cruft brought over from the book.

 

I'd maybe watch it with my younger siblings (I believe the books are YA), and not terrible but for myself I'd more want it for the wallpapers.

 

In more "I recognise them from TV!" one of the chinese wall pilots is the Martian lass from The Expanse. Also one of the leaders of the chinese forces is the guy who gets cut to ribbons in the Matrix sequels.

[deanb]

Alita: Battle Angel

 

It looked great, was pretty fun, but was just way too fractured into clear "arcs" that mangas do that meant it felt like it had 20 beginning, middle and ends and means that it kinda ends on a silly cliffhanger than sucks all the joy out and makes you go "oh I guess there's a t least two more films to go".

A shame because visually it was fab, both in the CGI work on Alita herself but also the general aesthetic it had going on. Sort of a creole city.

Also was fun that cos many are cyborgs you don't get a full awareness of who the actors are but enough to kinda go "I know them but not 100% sure where from".

 

 

 

 

 

[TheMightyEthan]

It seems like when adapting a manga into a movie you would try to smooth out the shorter arcs from the manga to make it feel more like one cohesive story...

[deanb]

Widows

 

It's a bit slow and plodding. Was pretty much my main take from it. I did go n make tea half way through (which was very nice, so "last good meal I ate" is an aldi stir fry mix), so that part might have had all the excitement in it but I kinda doubt it. It could easily have been much shorter film, and the actual heist was over in seconds compared to the rest of the film. 

[Mr. GOH!]

I really liked Widows, but it is only an  ok movie. It was long and completely wasted Colin Farrell, who just stops being in the movie around the 2/3 mark. It should have been focused more on the widows and told the story from their perspective rather than incorporate all the politics shenanigans. 

 

[deanb]

Yeah, from the trailers I'd kinda been expecting a gritty female led heist movie (compared to the more 'comedic' tone of Oceans 8). I never really got why Daniel Kaluuya carried on showing up spying on them too. Like I sorta got it, but not from a 'adding anything to the story' type way.

 

Also still have nightmares of Viloa Davis and Liam Neeson eating each others face off at the opening.

[MetalCaveman]

The Head Hunter. I feel this is one that fans of horror movies will like more, I was kinda hoping to get something like Predator with Vikings, and to be fair, it kinda is, but unfortunately it also suffers from some issues, most of them being related to the low budget the movie had.

 

Spoiler

You never really "see" the monster, as most fights happen off-screen and the few times you do get to see it it's all in quick-cuts and low-light sequences, until the end.  

 

The slow non-monster parts were some of my favourite as they do a great job at setting up the atmosphere and explain a bit about the main character and his life without dragging on for too long those are also the parts where the low budget isn't as big of an issue.  

 

The biggest issue I had with it is the ending:

 

Spoiler

Ah ha! You thought he had killed the monster, avenged his daughter and lived on, SURPRISE, the monster killed him and now controls his body!

 

I was hoping for the ending they baited me with as I've never been a fan of that "the monster still lives!" thing, I personally feel like it's overdone as almost every horror game/movie/book/everything uses that, and it leaves me feeling like the whole thing was a waste of time, I'll fully admit that's a personal pet peeve of mine and may not be a big deal for other people.

 

The best part of the movie is the armour the main character wears, it looks metal as hell.  \m/ \m/

 

Edit: I'll also give it points for:

Spoiler

The HEAD hunter... get it... cause the head of a monster kills him... Yeah... stuff happens.

 

Edited April 6, 2019 by MetalCaveman

[Mal]

Godzilla

 

Great spectacle but to be considered a good movie it kind of have to have the human elements be good too. It's good enough to get from point a to b though. Just stupid is all. No build up to anything or at least not obviously. 

 

At least it has Charles Dance being a Tywin Lannister eco terrorist. BUT WHY SUGGEST MOTHRA AND GODZILLA BANGING. 

 

Anyhow, lizard people are real and hollow earth is true. I swear any and anything can be crammed into this universe. I'm half expecting Cthulhu and other Lovecraft mythos. I'm expecting Jules Verne and shit. 

[CorgiShinobi]

I would say it's a high "OK" movie if you're into giant monsters fighting. The human stuff in Godzilla is always a mixed bag. I haven't seen every Godzilla movie, but I get the impression human story works better when Godzilla is the antagonist rather than our ally. Not a golden rule, but it gives more purpose to the humans when they have to fight Godzilla.

 

That said, Godzilla has always had weird stuff tied to it. King Ghidorah does (I guess I should spoiler tag this...)

come from outer space. Heck, an alien race used him as a tool for wiping out the human race. At least here he's independent and has a little character. Mothra had twin priestesses who spoke for her, which I thought the Dr. Chen twins would fill that role. Maybe next movie? There was an egg in the credits and Mothra has been reborn in the same method before.

[MetalCaveman]

Shin Godzilla did the human aspect better, but KotM had the better monster stuff.  

 

Spoiler

Except for those weird zombies/mutant human thingies at the end of Shin.  

 

[deanb]

Men in Black: International

 

I doubt anything will top the first one. But this is at least comparable to it. Story isn't much, it's a mystery of finding "the mole in MiB" which you pretty much know 5 minutes in. The main attraction here is the Tessa Thompson & Chris Hemsworth mix (though I feel Hemsworth was underutilised here, really needs a good director to shine). Thompson here showed she has the chops as a leading lady so I'm all for a Valkyrie film. The other Thompson, Emma in this case, out acts everyone with a raise of an eyebrow but not to be surprised. 

I think a double-edged sword to this is the massive expansion of the MiB, this shows it to be a pretty damn huge organisation which means you can expand the scope a bit of what they can do, but on the other hand really reduces the stakes when you could have almost an army to tackle anything and near-instant travel around the globe.

 

[danielpholt]

What we do in the Shadows

 

Couple of friends from work are absolutely mad about this film, so I thought I'd give it a go. And yeah, I laughed a lot. Probably wouldn't watch it again, but the 90 minutes or so I spent with it I enjoyed it enough.

 

I can finally join in on their inside jokes!

[deanb]

You used to watch like 300 films a year and you've only just seen What We Do in the Shadows?

 

 

Anywho now you can watch the TV show! (It's on iPlayer).

 

 

[danielpholt]

2 hours ago, deanb said:

You used to watch like 300 films a year and you've only just seen What We Do in the Shadows?

 

 

Anywho now you can watch the TV show! (It's on iPlayer).

 

 

 

I had a baby. I don't have the time to watch anything apart from re-runs of Mr Tumble over and over and over again. Help.

 

 

[deanb]

tbh I only replied so I could use a gif from the film (it's quite giffable). Though the film is five years old.

I guess no second screen element you could watch from? Hit up @cinemile on Twitter, they have a young kid n watch films, might have some tips. Probably written something up at some point.

 

Anywho, one more gif.

 

[danielpholt]

15 hours ago, deanb said:

tbh I only replied so I could use a gif from the film (it's quite giffable). Though the film is five years old.

I guess no second screen element you could watch from? Hit up @cinemile on Twitter, they have a young kid n watch films, might have some tips. Probably written something up at some point.

 

Anywho, one more gif.

 

 

As sad as it sounds, I'm still very much in the headspace that if I'm going to watch something, I want it on my big TV, with the blinds down and the lights off. That really limits when I can do films; either super early (I wake at like 4 every day I'm not working), or after Mila is asleep and Danielle has gone to work at 10pm (by which point I'm shattered).

 

 

[TheMightyEthan]

I agree, I don't like watching movies, or even TV shows, on small screens.

[deanb]

I'm much more okay with watching TV shows on smaller screens (much of my recent 30 Rock binge has been on my tablet). For like 'big action' films, e.g likes of MCU, I'd want to watch on a big screen, but things like dramas, comedy etc I'm fine with smaller screens as usually there it's the dialogue that's the core point. I'm similar rules for when I get blu-rays.

[deanb]

Batman: Hush

 

It was..okay. I hadn't read the comics but I knew the general premise (which tbh they've mixed up somewhat). It was 'okay'. Not exactly a highlight of the current DCAU (but I guess ultimately far superior to the DCEU)

[Mister Jack]

Yeah, Hush was alright. I wouldn't put it up there with the all time greats like Under the Red Hood and Batman vs TMNT, but I've seen far worse from the DCAU. It kinda falls apart in the climax but at least I wasn't bored.

[deanb]

Shazam

 

Guess who has been basically hiding inside all day from the sun?

 

Anyway it's a middling film, as expected for DCEU by now. Mark Strongs look is really strong as the villain, a very striking suit. However the film is all over the place in wanting to be "dark and broody" like the other DCEU stuff, some of the deaths are a bit OTT for a kids focused film, while wanting to be a goofy "Big with super heroes" (even has the giant piano). It's trying to toy with too many concepts; introducing a new superhero (one that's relativelly poorly known to mainstream), juggling the foster family arc, a fair bit of Mark Strongs bad guy stuff and then sort of an examination of being a super hero, not just morality elements but types of powers n such. 

 

It's not the worst of the DCEU films but that's like being the sweetest smelling cow pat.

[Mister Jack]

The Lion King

 

The remake, obviously. I got a chance to see this for free so I figured why not, it'd be a way to kill an afternoon. I know this might come as a surprise, but it's not as good as the original. In fact, the only thing keeping this out of the crap movies thread is the visuals. They're absolutely stunning and probably the best CGI animals I've ever seen. This absolutely was not the movie to go for photorealistic animals, but I have to acknowledge that the crew had some truly talented artists who I'm sure worked very hard to bring these characters to life. Their efforts deserve to be recognized, even if the movie ultimately suffered for it. If there's any reason to see this movie (NOT in theaters), it's the eye candy.

 

Unfortunately, this remake is inferior to the original in literally every single way, and yes that also includes the visuals. They're technically astounding, but they just don't work for this story. The characters all adhere so closely to realism that the emotional beats fall completely flat. When Simba finds his dead father and can't even look sad or cry because that's not how lions work in nature, it hurts the movie and my ability to connect to it. It doesn't help that the voice acting is almost universally awful too. Timon and Pumbaa sound okay I suppose, but literally everybody else ranges from mediocre to terrible. Even James Earl Jones is bad this time. Either his age is finally catching up with him or he just did not care and only played Mufasa again for the paycheck. Something I really hate about these Disney remakes is that whenever they do one of the iconic scenes or lines of dialogue, the movie always rushes through it like it's only doing these parts because it's obligated to. The actors never give these moments time to breathe or to leave an impact on the audience. They just blurt it out as quickly as they can and move on. It's completely soulless. Scar has none of his menacing presence this time around. When Jeremy Irons spoke as Scar his lines practically oozed with a sort of sinister charisma. Without even seeing the character, you could tell just by listening to him that he was a schemer, a villain who thought very highly of himself and would stab you in the back the moment it served his ends. There is absolutely none of that with Chiwetel Eijofor. In fact, he was probably the worst actor in the entire movie. The guy barely even sounds like he's trying half the time. He just sounds so bored. I wouldn't be surprised if he literally phoned in his lines with the performance he turned in.

 

The real sin, however, and what I absolutely cannot forgive, is that this is practically a shot for shot remake of the original. I can think of maybe two scenes that are new. They're okay scenes, but they don't add enough to justify this remake. In fact, they actually remove some stuff from the original. They didn't even put in any of the new songs or scenes from the Broadway show. Not one. I don't think it's unreasonable to expect at least one new song in a remake of an IP that already has several new songs to choose from.

 

Spoiler

Ed and Banzai are gone. Keegan Michael Key and Eric Andre play two hyenas that are never named onscreen and Shenzi is now the matriarch of the entire pack. I actually don't really mind this change too much since it's how hyenas really are and this is one of the only examples of the movie trying something different. Timon and Pumbaa now live in a valley with a bunch of other outcast animals who are all wary of Simba because he's a lion. This was an interesting concept that had potential but they barely do anything with it. In fact, when Timon and Pumbaa are doing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" it goes on longer than the original did and the other animals start to join in. For a moment I thought we might get a fun musical number with all the animals singing the complete song, but then Nala interrupts it just when it's about to really get going. Talk about wasted potential. This isn't the only time the movie left me blueballed either. The hula skirt scene is gone, probably because it was considered too cartoony for this remake. Instead, Timon starts to sing Be Our Guest from Beauty and the Beast to the hyenas. This could have been a decent substitute, but the hyenas chase them off before he even finishes the first fucking line of the song. Can I please just have one fun musical number I haven't already seen? Just one?

 

The songs are mostly okay. Circle of Life sounds fine, if a bit samey. Just Can't Wait To Be King was actually kind of a fun sequence. Not as good as the original, blah blah blah, you know the drill, but it was fun to watch Simba and Nala harass and inconvenience all the other animals. Hakuna Matata was mostly fine and there was one part of it that got a genuine laugh out of me, but they're also a lot more crass about Pumbaa's constant farting and I'm really not a big fan of fart jokes. Can You Feel the Love Tonight was pretty mediocre, and not just because it took place in the daytime. The singing was okay, but I just didn't feel anything for Simba or Nala while it was going on. Go watch two lions at the zoo chase each other around and play the song in the background and you'll have the same level of emotional investment. Be Prepared, though? Holy shit they fucking butchered this song. It's not just worse than the original song, it's flat out terrible. Everything about it completely sucked. The music? The singing? Awful. In fact I'd barely even call it singing, more like shouting over music. The onscreen sequence? What sequence? Nothing is even happening during Be Prepared. Scar just jumps around on a few rocks and that's it. The hyenas don't even get involved. They just sit there and watch. It's insultingly bad.

 

I might recommend watching this movie ONE time when it eventually comes to Disney+ just to take in the gorgeous effects but that's it. Don't spend your hard-earned money to go see it. When you put the visuals aside it's lazy, low-effort, and honestly kind of an insult to the audience's intelligence. You deserve better than this from a remake and especially from Disney.

Edited July 24, 2019 by Mister Jack

[deanb]

 

 

~55 minute mark is the interview with Favreau and as I said on Twitter a lot of the tech discussed in making of this film (and seemingly Mandalorian too) is largely game tech; VR, Unity & Unreal, Nvidia cards driving video walls etc. As for not changing the film much Favs mentions in here that it's mainly down to a lot of people of an age will have worn out the VCR watching this. He mentions that Donald Glover could recite the film in full, so not wanting to change too much. I'd imagine there is a minor behind the scenes element of the WGA rule stuff with how writers on animated features don't get credits when reused on live action thing might have something to do with it. It's really odd how some of the remakes are massive retellings (Dumbo was really good for this) and some adhere strongly aside from a few scenes (e.g Beauty and the Beast).

 

My sister n a few of her friends off to go see it *looks at watch* about 5 minutes ago, I'd imagine they're gonna like it for being Lion King.