After giving the game more time, I've found it's actually above tolerable. It needed to work its sedating claws into my brain and touch all the right places. Well, some places are proper, others are not. Not at all proper. Naughty, even.
It is, by no means, a great game. But it's a decent romp, and I expected a decent romp. Playing on the RPS server, I ended up with a good team that worked well together — SYNERGY — and it just escalated from there.
(I'm playing on PC, by the way.)