9/11 was tough for me. It's even tough for me to talk about today here on the 13th. Sorry if this is long and preachy and emotional but whatever.
September of 2011 was a tough month for me. I was taking two classes in college and one had a professor who never cared to explain things and just wanted to go outside and chainsmoke or ride his Harley. Since his class was also early in the morning I found myself snoozing in his class. I made it through Data Structures I (a class I'd later fail and retake) and then headed off to Forms of Speech. The teacher was a minute or two late to class and asked if we knew what happened. When no one knew she told us about how a plane must've accidentally hit the World Trade Center. We thought it must've been a horrific accident or something. We had no idea.
Class went on as normal and I went downstairs to the computer lab. I went to CNN, Fox News and every other news site I could think of. All their servers were down. My friend gave me updates over AIM before Google, Yahoo and others started mirroring the news sites to help ease the server strains. Eventually the picture became clearer and clearer and what I thought was a horrific accident became the defining example of evil. 9/11 was our Hitler, our Stalin or our Mao or Pol Pot. This was the most vivid portrait of the works of Satan that I had ever seen.
It was too much. I needed to do something, anything except watch the news feed! I found my way to the Internet Archive and started downloading classroom social guidance films from the 50s. I tried to escape into another time and for a little while it worked. for a little while to distract me I knew that I couldn't run from life forever. My parents picked me up from college (they had had a half day of work anyway) and took me home. I remember remarking at how beautiful it was. It was a warm and clear September morning. In fact, no one could ask for better weather.
I got home and the TV was on. I believe one of the towers had fallen by that point. When I saw the people choosing to jump to their deaths rather than perish in the flames I could take no more. I went to my bedroom and sat in bed and turned on my TV. There was no cable service but at that point I had a VCR and I believe a Dreamcast hooked up. I pushed play on the VCR as I had left a movie in there the previous night and figured I may as well watch something. The film was Buster Keaton's The General. Now normally I love this film but 9/11 was no day to watch a film featuring a war. When the scene where everyone goes to enlist it became frightfully clear that I may have to serve in the military. There could be a big draft like WW2. There could be a global war - who knew at that point? I turned off the TV and in my worry and uncertainty fell asleep hoping to awaken with this all as a bad dream.
I woke up that evening and the coverage was still going on but now the Pentagon had been hit and Flight 93 had crashed in Pennsylvania. The story had come out about how the passengers defied the hijackers and that the first counterattack to evil had occurred. I saw George W. Bush speaking on television reminding us all of Psalm 23. I thought at how powerless we as mere humans are and that there was a much higher power to life. I especially thought again of those lines "Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever."
I remember praying a lot that night: praying for my family and friends; praying for those suffering in the attacks; praying for forgiveness of the evil fallen world that I live in and praying that others who wish to follow this evil that they might see the light and change course. I also prayed for justice although I admit I did not pray for mercy upon others. I confess to wishing vengeance of Fire and Brimstone upon the Palestinians who danced in the streets after the attack and praying that they may never gain any refuge in the Holy Land.
I went to work the next morning wondering how much of my world would change. What I didn't realize is just how much I had changed. While the event didn't directly affect me in that I had no friends or family killed on 9/11, I had to confront the very adult world of evil and to put away childish things. At one month shy of 19, I knew it was time to grow up and face the world as an adult. I suddenly gained an interest in politics and current events and never looked back.
On a side note, if anyone ever comes to Albany, NY please stop in at the New York State Museum (it's free) and see the amazing 9/11 exhibit. You remember then that it's not about a "national day of service" or about Michelle Obama urging you to clean up a park or something but to remember what happened on that very day. 9/11 showed us the evils that lurk in the hearts of men and yet it also showed us the angelic qualities of duty, bravery under adversity, self sacrifice for others and of the love man can have for their neighbor.